WE’RE TRAVELLING GENTLEMEN

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(Talking over the musical introduction)  I had no idea we would have to walk so far.

Put the basket down there Philip. (Enter two officers)  I’ll see if one can find out where we are.

WE’VE JUST LANDED AND WE’RE REALLY QUITE LOST

WILL YOU TELL US... WHERE THE DEVIL ARE WE?

YOU’RE IN TURKEY. YOU’RE AT THE CRIMEA 

THIS IS BASE CAMP. THE TOWN IS CALLED SCUTARI

WELL, THAT’S ALL RIGHT THEN
WE’RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE
WILL YOU SHOW US A SITE WHERE WE CAN MAKE CAMP?

WE’D LIKE TO PITCH TENT
TAKE A REFRESH-ER-MENT
STAY A FEW DAYS TO OBSERVE THE BATTLE SCENE

WE’RE TRAVELLING GENTLEMEN

ON HOLIDAY FROM LONDON TOWN

MEN OF LEISURE AND PRIVATE MEANS I’LL BE BOUND

WE’VE COME ALL THIS WAY TO WATCH HIST’RY BEING MADE

THERE’S NOTHING EXCITING ABOUT THIS WAR I’M AFRAID!

WE’LL TAKE A CHANCE ON THAT, MY GOOD MAN

COME NOW, WE’D LIKE TO LOOK AROUND

(Over music link)  Over here Charles. This looks like a good spot.

WE’VE PAID GOOD MONEY SO WE’D LIKE A GOOD VIEW

TAKE YOUR FRIENDS AND WATCH FROM ON THAT HIGH ROCK

HOW MUCH LONGER TILL THERE’LL BE A TO-DO?

WE’RE FINISHING LUNCH, THE BATTLE STARTS AT TWO O’CLOCK

COME ON, GENTLEMEN, WE’RE ON THE MOVE AGAIN

BRING YOUR TELESCOPES
BUT DON’T FORGET THE CHAMPAGNE
WE MUST MAKE HASTE, FIND A GOOD PLACE

SIT BACK AND WATCH COS SPORT SHOULD BE GOOD TODAY

WE’RE TRAVELLING GENTLEMEN

ON HOLIDAY FROM LONDON TOWN

WITH NOTHING BETTER TO EMPLOY THEMSELVES USEFULLY

WE’VE COME ALL THIS WAY TO QUENCH OUR CURIOSITY

MIGHT WE GET SHOT?

(Cynically aggressive)  A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY!

WE’LL TAKE A CHANCE ON THAT, MY GOOD MAN

COME ON, LET’S BE ON OUR WAY

(The Commanding Officer enters)

(Talking)  Crickey! Here comes the ol’ man.

(Sings, bullishly)  WILL SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON?

SIR! THEY’RE TRAVELLING GENTLEMEN

ON HOLIDAY FROM LONDON TOWN

MEN OF LEISURE AND PRIVATE MEANS, SO WE HAVE FOUND

THEY’VE COME ALL THIS WAY

TO WATCH HIST’RY BEING MADE

THERE’S NOTHING EXCITING ABOUT THIS WAR

WE IMPLORED

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WE’LL TAKE A CHANCE ON THAT, MY GOOD MAN

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GO ON, ENJOY THE BATTLE SCENES

(Song ends, followed immediately by short playout Music 11a. MD’s keyboard only)